


AnOtHeR GrOuP ChAt FiC

by RyleeLin



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Autistic Keith (Voltron), Depressed Lance, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Group Chat Fic, I'm so sorry, Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, Lance's family is mentioned, Multi, References to Sex, dear evan hansen - Freeform, its lowkey got pedophilia, klance, look at me using stereotypical tags LIKE A BOSS, rated for pretty much everyones language, so its bad and imma roast it, yuuri on ice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 18:07:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 7,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12612356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyleeLin/pseuds/RyleeLin
Summary: It's a group chat. I mean, I tried to make it different?(This used to be super angsty and tbh that wasn't necessary so I took it all out)It starts off with Shiro, Matt, and Allura in Junior year, Hunk and Shay in Sophmore year, Keith and Lance in Freshman year, and Pidge in 8th grade, and summer happens around halfish way through.





	1. Tumblr, Instagram, and Reddit had a Lance Baby

**Author's Note:**

> Shiro: deaddad  
> Matt: DoorMatt  
> Allura: McSizzle  
> Hunk: tiredmom  
> Shay: rockgod  
> Keith: 04/29/2008  
> Lance: memelord/sexuallyattractedtopans  
> Pidge: fakespaceglasses  
> This isn't the main chat, that comes later.  
> Also I'll probably have some story parts in here as well as the chat so have fun probably being confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was written after a group chat i'm in with some friends  
> UPDATE: I got halfway through editing this and now I'm dying from sleep deprivation. There's 20 minutes before midnight and i hope to be asleep by then. I'll finish editing tomorrow, since THANK GOD i have a half day  
> UPDATE UPDATE: It's dumb that there was one update, much less two, but here we are. Also, I just realized this is more of a realistic group chat while pretty much everything else is in fanfic group chat style.  
>    
> (I hope nobody noticed that I said "thank god there's a half day tomorrow" on a FUCKING SATURDAY)
> 
> Shiro: deaddad  
> Matt: doorMatt  
> Lance: memelord/sexuallyattractedtopans  
> Pidge: fakespaceglasses

_**the dream meme team +shiro** _

 

 **memelord:** GUYS BEYONCE IS GONNA BE NALA IS THE NEW LION KING REBOOT 

  
**fakespaceglasses:** what

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** oH

   
**memelord:** ALL HAIL THE QUEEN

 

 **memelord:** BEYONCE RULES ALL

   
**fakespaceglasses:** o p i n i o n s

  

 **memelord:** l i e s beyonce is probably secretly running the world

 

 **memelord:** have you listened to who runs the world

 

 **memelord:** she literally confirms my conspiracy

   
**fakespaceglasses:** you sound like instagram and tumblr had a baby and that baby just started wearing makeup

 

 **memelord:** you're not wrong

 

 **memelord:** i think reddit was the surrogate mother

  
**fakespaceglasses:** true

* * *

 **fakespaceglasses:** yo i'm about to cry stranger things is gonna be the thing to unhinge me

  

 **memelord:** lol have you still not gotten through the entire thing

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** holy hell im aboutta die now

 

 **memelord:** i know spoilers

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** WHAT THE HELL

  

 **DoorMatt:** i haven't even seen it

 

 **memelord:** and a matthew emerges

  

 **DoorMatt:** :")

 

_**DoorMatt** sent **sippingacandle.mp3**_

 

 **memelord:** i hope you burnt your lip sipping that candle

  

 **fakespaceglasses:** THIS IS LITERALLY GOING TO UNHINGE ME

 

 **DoorMatt:** have me burning my nose hairs 

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** saved

 

 **DoorMatt:** :")

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** guess whos dying rn

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** mE

* * *

 

_**fakespaceglasses** sent **CHRISTMAS.mp3** _

  

 **memelord:** rip headphones users

 

 **DoorMatt:** lance

 

 **DoorMatt:** N o

 

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** lance

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** y e s

  

 **memelord:** YEET

 

 **DoorMatt:** N O O 0

 

 **memelord:** too late

 

 **memelord:** its yote now

  

 **DoorMatt:** did you just use the past tense of yeet

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** IM SCREAMING

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** DUSTIN PUT FARRAH FAWCETT SPRAY IN HIS HAIR IM D E C E A S E D

  

 **DoorMatt:** Farrah fawcett???

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** do you not know who farrah fawcett is

 

 **DoorMatt:** i don't

 

 **memelord:** get out from under your rock patrick

 

_**fakespaceglasses** sent (2) **farrahfawcettisagoddess.jpg**_

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** shes a queen

 

 **DoorMatt:** you can fite me lance

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** she was the teen heartthrob of the 80s

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** also

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** no matt, no lance

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** pls no

  

 **memelord:** FINE LETS GO

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** LANCE

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** NO

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** ALSO DUSTIN IS HEARTBROKEN

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** HES CRYING

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** M Y H E A R T

  

 **DoorMatt:** LETS GO LANCE

 

 **DoorMatt:** MEET ME AT THE KFC AT DAWM

 

 **DoorMatt:** *DAWN

  

 **memelord:** HA ILL WIN BY SPELLING ALONE

 

 **deaddad:** what is this

 

 **DoorMatt:** ID WIN BY GRAMMAR

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** nope, i would win in both areas

 

 **DoorMatt:** yrue

 

 **DoorMatt:** true

  

 **fakespaceglasses:** i think you should both stop talking now

 

_**memelord** changed their name to **sexuallyattractedtopans**_

 

 **sexuallyattractedtopans:** panphobia

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** the fear of unknown evil

 

 **sexuallyattractedtopans:** pansexual homophobia

 

 **sexuallyattractedtopans:** duh

 

 **DoorMatt:** polyphobia

  

 **sexuallyattractedtopans:** how do you know this and not know farrah fawcett

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** "Panphobia, omniphobia, pantophobia, or panophobia is a vague and persistent dread of some unknown evil. Panphobia is not registered as a type of phobia in medical references."

 

 **sexuallyattractedtopans:** well duck wikipedia

 

 **s** **exuallyattractedtopans:** fuck

  

 **fakespaceglasses:** "polyphobia pol-y-pho-bi-a n. An abnormal fear of many things; a condition marked by the presence of many phobias. 

 

 **deaddad:** y e e t

 

 **deaddad:**  I scared myself with my own reflection

 

 **deaddad:** again

 

 **sexuallyattractedtopans:** i would make comments but i run into walls

  

 **DoorMatt:** babe how does one do that

 

 **DoorMatt:** wait no nevermind i just looked in a mirror

 

 **deaddad:** eyy you mustve been scared of your own beauty

 

 **DoorMatt:** SMOOTH

 

 **DoorMatt:** also i just noticed lance changed his user

  

 **sexuallyattractedtopans:** jeez i just wanted to change it

 

 **deaddad:**  Matt you should sleep

  

 **sexuallyattractedtopans:** its only 7

 

 **deaddad:** steal it back

 

 **deaddad:** ok yesterday also scared myself with my shadow

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** good lord

 

 **deaddad:** t'was frightening

 

 **sexuallyattractedtopans:** i just run into walls and other shit

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** yO i'm being edgy

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** im watching heathers

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** "fuck me gently with a chainsaw" is my new anthem

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** "fuck me gently with a chainsaw(but don't actually do it)"

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** this is so my new favorite movie im so

 

 **deaddad:** KISS KISS FALL IN

 

 **deadead:** debt

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** me

 

 **sexuallyattractedtopans:** me after i see my bill for college tuition

 

* * *

  

 **fakespaceglasses:** "dear diary, i want to kill and you have to believe me it's more than just a selfish reason. it's more than a spark in my menstrual cycle and you have to believe me."

 

 **DoorMatt:** me

 

 **DoorMatt:** but like

 

 **DoorMatt:** dont kill anyone jail isnt worth it

  

 **fakespaceglasses:** i swear to god lance if you say there's no netflix in jail i will actually go kill someone

 

 **f** **akespaceglasses:** im so TIRED of hearing that 

 

 **sexuallyattractedtopans:** fuck

 

 **sexuallyattractedtopans:** well

 

 **sexuallyattractedtopans:** THERE'S NO WIFI IN JAIL

 

 **sexuallyattractedtopans:** oh god she's gonna kill me

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** YOU DON'T NEED WIFI WHEN YOU'RE DEAD

 

 **deaddad:**  I just heard a scream

 

 **deaddad:**  I don't even feel bad, he incurred pidge's wrath

 

 **deaddad:** why can't i just have some peace


	2. The Group ChatTM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK KIDDIES YOU GET TWO CHAPTERS  
> IT'S MILES MCKENNA'S BIRTHDAY AND I NEED TO CELEBRATE HIM  
> ok I'm chill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiro:deaddad  
> Matt: DoorMatt  
> Allura: McSizzle  
> Hunk: tiredmom  
> Shay: rockgodz  
> Keith: 04/29/2008  
> Lance: sexuallyattractedtopans/kinky/buttoninabeanie  
> Pidge: fakespaceglasses

_**sexuallyattractedtopans** added **deaddad, DoorMatt, McSizzle, tiredmom, rockgodz, 04/29/2008,** and **fakespaceglasses** to **someone help me cheat on mr holt's homework**_

 

 **deaddad:**  Lance, no. we talked about using Matt and Pidge to cheat

 

 **sexuallyattractedtopans:** but daaaaaad

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** but daaaaad

 

 **DoorMatt:** but daaaaaaady

 

 **tiredmom:** MATTHEW

 

_**McSizzle** changed **deaddad's** name to **deaddaddy**_

**04/29/2008:** kinkshaming

 

 **McSizzle:**  Kinkshaming

 

 **rockgodz:** kinkshaming

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** kinkshaming

 

 **sexuallyattractedtopans:** kinksaming

 

_**04/29/2008** changed  **sexuallyattractedtopans** name to **kinky**_

 

 **tiredmom:** AND I MISS TALKING ABOUT LIFE AND OTHER STUFF

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** very specific 

 

 **kinky:** SHUT UPPPP

 

 **04/29/2008:** what 

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD DEAR EVAN HANSEN

 

 **04/29/2008:** lance had mentioned it a couple times but i never payed attention to it

 

 **04/29/2008:** he wasn't spazzing out about it so i didn't think it was that important

 

 **rockgodz:**  Keith what did you just do

 

 **DoorMatt:** how do you not know what it is 

 

 **DoorMatt:** its actually really good

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** NOT IMPORTANT

 

 **fakespaceglasses** : LANCE RICCARDO MCCLAIN

 

 **kinky:** KEITH

 

 **kinky:** WHY

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** DEAR EVAN HANSEN IS THE BEST THING THAT WILL EVER TOUCH YOUR FILTHY LITTLE EARS

 

 **kinky:** she's not wrong

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY BROTHER

 

 **DoorMatt:** what the fuck am I here for then

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** experiments

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** APOLOGIZE TO EVAN RIGHT NOW

 

 **McSizzle:**  Good god man, just answer.

 

 **kinky:** um

 

 **kinky:** sorry???

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** you may continue

 

 **04/29/2008:** what's it about anyway

 

 **tiredmom:** LET ME TELL YOU A STORY YOUNG ONE

 

 **04/29/2008:** youre like a year older than me

 

 **tiredmom:** HUSH

 

 **deaddaddy:** the next person that continues texting will get booted out of the gc

 

_**fakespaceglasses** named the group **shiro's kingdom**_

 

 **deaddaddy:** as long as you guys will go to bed

 

 **deaddaddy:** it's 1am and we all have school tomorrow

 

 **McSizzle:**  Ha, I don't go until 8:50.

 

 **tiredmom:** she's one of those seniors

 

_**deaddaddy** removed **McSizzle** and **tiredmom** from the group _

 

 **deaddaddy:** go the fuck to sleep

 

* * *

 

_**kinky** named the group **it's 4am why can't i sleep**_

 

_**kinky** added **McSizzle** and **tiredmom** to the group_

 

_**kinky** changed their name to **buttoninabeanie**_

 

 **buttoninabeanie:** there we go i fixed it all

 

 **buttoninabeanie:** youre welcome

 

 **04/29/2008:** lance why the fuck are you awake

 

 **buttoninabeanie:** i could ask you the same thing

 

 **buttoninabeanie:** i know i didn't wake you up

 

 **rockgodz:** however you did wake me up

 

 **buttoninabeanie:** ohmygodshayimsosorryilyandyouregreat

 

 **buttoninabeanie:** i feel blessed

 

 **rockgodz:** so keith what's the story behind the date for your username

 

 **buttoninabeanie:** hold on i have to do something before he tells the story

 

_**buttoninabeanie** changed **04/29/2008's** name to **emosquared**_

 

 **buttoninabeanie:** and just to be safe

 

_**buttoninabeanie** removed admin privileges from **emosquared**_

 

 **emosquared:** ASSHOLE

 

 **emosquared:** it's this meme where pete wentz is walking down the street and bruno mars turns his head in amazment

 

 **emosquared:** it was a great day for emokind

 

 **emosquared:** lance why are you named button in a beanie

 

 **emosquared:** youre 50 feet tall

 

 **buttoninabeanie:** well keith

 

 **buttoninabeanie:** im as cute as a button and I just got the most comforable beanie

 

_**buttoninabeanie** sent **beanie.jpg**_

 

 **buttoninabeanie:** simple

 

 **emosquared:** um

 

_**rockgodz** changed **buttoninabeanie's** name to **greenbeaninabeanie**_

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** that.........actually works

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** thank you shay :)

 

 **rockgodz:** :)

 

 **deaddaddy:** shay can stay but goodbye lance and keith

 

 **rockgodz:** BYE SUCKAS HAHAHA

 

_**deaddaddy** has removed **emosquared** and **greenbeaninabeanie**_

 

* * *

 

 

 **emosquared** >>> **deaddaddy**

 

 **emosquared:** shiro

 

 **emosquared:** help

 

 **deaddaddy:** are you ok

 

 **emosquared:** i can almost hear your panic from here jee

 

 **emosquared:** im fine

 

 **emosquared:** its just

 

 **emosquared:** lance is adorable???????

 

 **emosquared:** um

 

 **emosquared:** but i don't have a crush on him

 

 **emosquared:** im just gay and have eyes

 

 **deaddaddy:** mhm. no crush, just an attractive Lance

 

* * *

 

 **deaddaddy** >>> **McSizzle**

 

 **deaddaddy:**  Keith just completely confessed his crush for Lance

 

 **deaddaddy:** but he claims it's not a crush

 

_**deaddaddy** sent **screenshot.jpg**_

 

 **deaddaddy:**  I'm sick of the pining

 

 **McSizzle:** IM SCREAMING

 

 **McSizzle:** MY OTP

 

 **deaddaddy:** you know what to do

 

 **McSizzle:** Oh, I've already started.

 

 **deaddaddy:** didn't Ms Springer give extra homework tonight

 

 **McSizzle:** ~~FUCK~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So thanks for reading!  
> I can take suggestions on scenarios and new usernames for the GC since I have no creativity.  
> Sorry this is kind of Klance centric, I swear I didn't plan it that way. I'll add angst or something next chapter, god knows this is too simple and fluffy.
> 
> Update at least a year later: NO THIS IS A GC FIC NO ANGST YOU MORON


	3. It's November And Nobody Cares About November

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cool so at this point it may get a little Klance centric cause I'm pining after a friend and projecting onto Klance. Whoops.  
> Ten points for pent up feelings!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiro: deaddaddy  
> Matt: DoorMatt  
> Allura: McSizzle  
> Hunk: tiredmom  
> Shay: rockgodz  
> Keith: emosquared  
> Lance: greenbeaninabeanie  
> Pidge: fakespaceglasses/asexlife

_**tiredmom >>>greenbeaninabeanie** _

 

 **tiredmom:** be still my heart???

 

 **tiredmom:**  Shay is adorable

 

 **tiredmom:** we were talking and she started laughing and I just ??

 

 **tiredmom:**  Lance

 

 **tiredmom:** shE SNORTS

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** mY OTP

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** just date already

 

 **tiredmom:**  I could say the same to you

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** what

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** anyway

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** shes totally crushing on you

 

 **tiredmom:** hold the phone

 

 **tiredmom:** she is

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** well duh youre a total babe

 

 **tiredmom:** thanks babe

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** welcome babe

 

 **g** **reenbeaninabeanie:** but have you seen her when you walk into the room

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** her face completely lights up and shes a much bubblier person

 

 **tiredmom:** sounds familiar

 

 **tiredmom:** do you really think I should ask her out

 

 **tiredmom:** what if she doesn't like me like that and gets creeped out tho

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** do you want to suffer in pining hell forever

 

 **tiredmom:** do you

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** fucking hell man

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:**  just go ask the poor girl out and leave me be

 

* * *

 

_**fuck you candycorn sucks** _

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** all im saying is it tastes like ass

 

 **DoorMatt:** and all im saying is youve never tasted ass so how would you know

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** well i mean i can always ask shiro since hes always tasting yours

 

 **deaddaddy:** god can we go five minutes without talking about someone's sex life

 

 **deaddaddy:** mainly mine

 

 **deaddaddy:**  Pidge you're grounded

 

 **fakespaceglasses:** YOU CANT MAKE ME DO ANYTHING

 

_**fakespaceglasses** changed their name to **asexlife**_

 

 **emosquared:** why are you guys obsessing over candy corn anyway

 

 **emosquared:** are they also some thanksgiving tradition or something

 

 **tiredmom:**  Keith has a point

 

 **tiredmom:** this month we prepare for christmas

 

 **tiredmom:** and listen to Christmas music

 

 **McSizzle:** HUNK HOW COULD YOU 

 

 **McSizzle:** CHRISTMAS MUSIC IS FOR DECEMBER ONLY

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** lura i listen to it year round

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** bicth

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** why do we have this month anyway

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** we dont use this month or september

 

 **McSizzle:**  Thanksgiving.

 

 **McSizzle:**  So that you white people can apologize for coming and fucking up the lives of the native americans.

 

 **asexlife:** fair enough

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** ok but like if caesar didnt completely fuck up and have to add two more months because hes a douche

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** everything would be fine

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** well maybe not but id feel better

 

* * *

 

 

_**greenbeaninabeanie** **> >>tiredmom**_

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** so what were you talking about earlier 

 

 **tiredmom:** whatever do you mean

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** you essentially said i should date someone

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** im more bubbly and happier when they walk into a room

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** and that im currently suffering in pining hell???

 

 **tiredmom:** the obvious fact that you have a crush on Keith

 

 **tiredmom:** well obvious to everyone but you two

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** i have no idea what youre talking about

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** thats completely untrue

**tiredmom:** bitch please

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** ok fine i might be in pining hell

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** but its just because hes kinda cute

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** and really sweet

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** and he was really hot when my car broke down and he had to fix it

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** and hes great with pets

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** and he makes me feel all fluffy inside

 

 **g** **reenbeaninabeanie:** but i think hes straight

 

 **tiredmom:** ask the poor boy out you fucking hypocrite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please for the love of god suggest someone to be allura's love interest  
> i want her to be with somebody that's not already here  
> so yeah please help  
> And should Hunk and Shay get together first, or Keith and Lance?  
> Also thanks for reading, please leave kudos if you like it!


	4. F--- It I'm Making This a Klance Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't cuss outside of the fic to protect the ears of little directioners.  
> Oh wait, I don't have to do that anymore since THEY BROKE UP HAHAHAHA FEEL THE PAIN OF THE MCR FANDOM  
> anywho  
> I gave up, klance is so easy to write cause I can just project on Lance, who everyone projects on since he's the only character that hides his problems with jokes like me and all of Tumblr  
> (Poor lance)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KLANCE (well klance pining)
> 
> Shiro: deaddaddy  
> Matt: DoorMatt  
> Allura: McSizzle/joeytribbiani/klancestan  
> Hunk: tiredmom  
> Shay: rockgodz  
> Keith: emosquared  
> Lance: greenbeaninabeanie  
> Pidge: asexlife
> 
> fuck's sake I hate changing the names, I didn't put Shay's name as lovedandgood last chapter  
> oh well i'll just change it and act like nothing ever happened  
> cause sorry lovedandgood is lame as FUCK
> 
> Update: nvm i fixed that and i feel so much better

_**emosquared >>>asexlife** _

 

 **emosquared:** ugh

 

 **emosquared:** ughhhh

 

 **emosquared:** ughhhhhhhhh

 

 **asexlife:** WHAT

 

 **emosquared:** i forgot

 

 **asexlife:** KEITH

 

 **emosquared:** just kidding

 

 **emosquared:** i was wondering if you knew what lance thought of me

 

 **asexlife:** its 2 am

 

 **asexlife:** and this is what worried you

 

 **emosquared:** yes

 

 **asexlife:** you have weird priorities

 

 **emosquared** **:** answer the question gremlin

 

 **asexlife:** i cant believe you havent noticed

 

 **asexlife:** you walk into a room and he drools

 

 **asexlife:** havent you noticed that he got less flirty with other people

 

 **emosquared:** i just thought he ran out of people to flirt with

 

 **asexlife:** you physically hurt me

 

* * *

 

_**why god why** _

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** im liking the friends reference

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** whats it for joey tribbiani

 

 **McSizzle:**  Ooh, I like that.

 

_**McSizzle** changed their name to **joeytribbiani**_

**joeytribbiani:**  But if Mr.Sendak gives one more 10 page essay for the weekend, I may end up on the news.

 

 **joeytribbiani:** I HAVE A LIFE

 

 **joeytribbiani:** IT'S NOT HEALTHY 

 

 **asexlife:** dont you have principal shitheads kid in there too

 

 **joeytribbiani:** BASICALLY I FUCKING HATE THAT CLASS

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** why the fuck is he an english teacher anyway

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** at least ive got keith in that class

 

 **DoorMatt:** *whispers* i ship ittttt

 

_**joeytribbiani** changed their name to **klancestan**_

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** UH I MEAN TO THROW PAPER PLANES AT YOU LITTLE SHITS

 

 **asexlife:** uh huh yep totally youre so convincing

 

 **asexlife:** my dads class is pretty fun if you can get in

 

 **deaddaddy:** he's electrocuted himself more than ben franklin with the key and the kite

 

 **asexlife:** yeah, fun

 

 **tiredmom:**  Please Don't Electrocute Yourselves

 

 **tiredmom:** also to the ones who can drive I made cookies

 

 **buttoninabeanie:** keithyyyyyyyy

 

 **emosquared:** im taking my bike

 

 **buttoninabeanie:** YUS

 

 **buttoninabeanie:** creepy group chat lurker

 

 **emosquared:** i can always drive past your house

 

 **buttoninabeanie:** i have no idea what youre talking about, i was complimenting your dumbass mullet

 

 **emosquared:** thats what i thought

 

 **DoorMatt:** ssssssshhhhhhhiiiiiippppp

 

* * *

 

_**asexlife** added **joeytribbiani, tiredmom,** and **DoorMatt**  to **klance needs to fuck**_

 

 **DoorMatt:** vulgar

 

 **DoorMatt:** i like it

 

 **asexlife:** someone needs them into getting together

 

 **joeytribbiani:**  Hunk and I are way ahead of you.

 

 **joeytribbiani:**  I'm already planning a movie day.

 

 **joeytribbiani:**  Where we say we can go the movies.

 

 **joeytribbiani:**  But then something "comes up".

 

 **joeytribbiani:**  And only they can go,

 

 **joeytribbiani:**  That will at least get them to spend more time together.

 

 **DoorMatt:** but what movie

 

 **DoorMatt:** theres the emoji movie

 

 **joeytribbiani:**  I want them to be happy, not horribly depressed.

 

 **asexlife:** thor ragnarok is absolutely hilarious and they're the only two that haven't seen it yet

 

 **tiredmom:** there's murder in the orient express 

 

 **tiredmom:** with leslie odom jr

 

 **tiredmom:** who lance loves

 

 **DoorMatt:** lets vote in the gc and see

 

 **DoorMatt:** SHIT we need to make shay and shiro busy so they cant come

 

 **asexlife:** or you could tell them the plan you fucking moron

* * *

 

_**asexlife** changed the group name to **MOVIE VOTE TIME**_

 

 **asexlife:** so who wants to see a movie saturday

 

 **asexlife:** either murder on the orient express or thor ragnarok

 

 **rockgodz:** i sadly cannot go

 

 **tiredmom:** :'(

 

 **asexlife:** murder

 

 **emosquared:** yeah why not

 

 **tiredmom:** yea

 

 **klancestan:** Yes

 

 **asexlife:** thor

 

 **DoorMatt:** yea

 

 **deaddaddy:** ye

**buttoninabeanie:** yeet

 

 **asexlife:** well i vote thor

 

 **buttoninabeanie:** YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Leave a comment, I'll always respond since I'm a loser with no life :')  
> EXCEPT FOR SCHOOL so expect another chapter late Saturday or Sunday this week or next  
> Tell me if you guys want me to write the Klance Movie "Date", but I'm warning you I'm rusty


	5. At This Point Most Of Them Are Some Form Of Gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance decides to come out to his family and the school  
> Keith has something to get off his chest as well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiro: deaddaddy  
> Matt: DoorMatt  
> Allura: klancestan  
> Hunk: tiredmom/  
> Shay: rockgodz  
> Keith: emosquared/koGAYne  
> Lance: greenbeaninabeanie  
> Pidge: asexlife
> 
> Look about the KoGAYne thing, it was bound to happen, and I feel like I'm ripping off at least six other fics, but oh well. As long as I don't accidentally copy Dirty Laundry or something I'll be fine

_**greenbeaninabeanie** changed the group name to **coming out**_

 

 **emosquared:** you already did that lance

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** r00d

 

 **asexlife:** tumblr bitch

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** conspiracy shit

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** anyway

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** i decided to come out to my family and the school

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** well ill post it on social media to tell the school

 

 **klancestan:** Lance I could not be more proud of you!

 

 **DoorMatt:** congrats lance!

 

 **deaddaddy:** good luck buddy

 

 **tiredmom:** OMG LANCE BOO I'M SENDING YOU TELEPATHIC COURAGE

 

 **rockgodz:** me and my dads are proud of you too!

 

 **asexlife:** good luck

 

 **asexlife:** .....i may be kinda proud of you

 

* * *

 

_**Emosquared >>>deaddaddy** _

 

 **Emosquared:** do you think it would be upstaging lance if i came out in the gc right now

 

 **Deaddaddy:** look at the gc 

 

 **Deaddaddy:** that'll answer your question

 

 **Deaddaddy:** also i'm over at Pidge's house and Lance is kind of reading over my shoulder

 

 **Emosquared:** huh

 

 **Emosquared:** oH

 

* * *

 

**_coming out_ **

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** so anyone else have any news

 

 **emosquared:** lance you ass

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** just COME OUT with it already

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** get it?????

 

 **asexlife:** can i kick lance out of the gc

 

 **deaddaddy:** unfortunately no

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** UNFORTUNATELY 

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** SHIRO

 

 **deadddaddy:**  Keith weren't you saying something

 

 **emosquared:** so im gay

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** whoa i thought you were gonna say you were asexual or something

 

 **emosquared:** nope, im just gay

 

* * *

 

_**klance needs to fuck** _

 

 **Asexlife:** did lance just scream

 

 **Asexlife:** i leave to get covfefe and lance ends up screaming

 

 **princess:** Keith came out and Lance died?

 

 **Klancestan:** He's doing victory laps and screaming, "Keith's not straight" over and over again.

 

**_Klancestan sent klanceisonestepclosertocanon.mp3_ **

 

 **Asexlife:** i should start enlisting you to get blackmail material while im not there

 

 **Asexlife:** cause holy shit you can take great videos

 

 **DoorMatt:** youre taking all the pictures and videos when shiro and i get married

 

 **Tiredmom:** wait guys nobody's said anything to Keith yet

 

 **Asexlife:** OH SHIT

 

* * *

 

_**coming out** _

 

 **emosquared:** um guys

 

 **klancestan:** Well I obviously support you!

 

 **klancestan:** But congratulations on having the courage to tell us!

 

 **tiredmom:** that's great Keith! i'm glad you're embracing every part of yourself

 

 **deaddaddy:**  I already knew so once again congrats little bro

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** yeah congrats dude

 

 **rockgodz:** i'm so proud of you for having the courage to tell us!

 

 **DoorMatt:** join the club buddy

 

 **DoorMatt:** we meet wednesdays in thaces room

 

 **asexlife:** so keith 

 

 **asexlife:** does this make you a koGAYne?

 

 **deaddaddy:** i'm moving to Alaska

 

 **asexlife:** at least youll be near the sea

 

 **asexlife:** so the ocean can WAVE GOODBYE

 

_**emosquared** changed their name to **koGAYne**_

 

 **koGAYne:** so thats how you change that

 

* * *

 

Lanceylot just tweeted: "Just thought I'd let the world know I'm Pansexual! I like guys gals and all nonbinary pals!"

Lanceylot just posted a new photo to Instagram with the caption: Just me and my Pansexual flag!

Lanceylot just posted to Tumblr: "Hello Tumblr, I'm Pan!"

* * *

 

_**klance needs to fuck** _

 

 **DoorMatt:** well with the way lance is acting we may not need to get them together by saturday

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, we see the results of Lance coming out to the school. Angst for all!  
> Please leave a kudos down below if you did! (lookit me ma I sound like a youtuber!)  
> UPDATE: comment if last year you was obsessed with angst since appARENTLY I WAS UGH


	6. YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE YOUR EYES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter used to have the r*pe and h*moph*bia and it was bad and that is no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll rewrite this sooner or later.  
> Update: I'm updating this sooner rather than writing the 3rd chapter to OH SHIT I'M DATING A BRICK (which i completely suggest you read since my coauthor kisskisslavendertea is amazing)  
> Shiro: deaddaddy  
> Matt: doorMatt  
> Allura: klancestan  
> Hunk: tiredmom  
> Shay: rockgodz  
> Keith: koGAYne  
> Lance: buttoninabeanie/tenmillionfireflies  
> Pidge: asexlife/ahyesthefourthwall

 

 **_greenbeaninabeanie_ ** _changed the group's name to_ **_help i'm bored_ **

 

 **koGAYne:** i hate you

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** wow well guess what

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** i hate you too

 

 **asexlife:** *narrator voice* they actually want to bone each other soooooooooo bad

 

 **koGAYne:** can we block pidge

 

 **greenbeaninabeanie:** seconded

 

 **deaddaddy:** no

 

 **deaddaddy:** we don't need her using all the blackmail she has on you two

 

 **Klancestan:** That sounds terrifying.

 

 **Asexlife:** ehehehehehehe

 

* * *

 

 

 ** _Tiredmom_  ** _changed the group’s name to_ **_hide and seek_ **

 

 **rockgodz:** so me and Hunk are over at Lance's house with Keith

 

 **rockgodz:** you will never believe what we just heard

 

 **Tiredmom:** Lance was playing hide and seek with his siblings and Keith

 

 **rockgodz:** and Lance was the only one left

 

 **Tiredmom** : so Keith just sings out "you would not believe your eyes”

 

 **rockgodz** : and Lance responds from behind a couch in the same room

 

 **Rockgodz** : “IF TEN MILLION FIREFLIES”

 

 **Tiredmom** : he scared the living shit out of Keith but he found Lance

 

 **_koGAYne_ ** _changed_ **_greenbeaninabeanie’s_ ** _name to_ **_tenmillionfireflies_ **

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** i take no offense to this, fireflies was an amazing song

 

 **koGAYne:** yeah an amazing song to loose to

 

 **Asexlife:** OH SHIT THE AUTHOR IS THROWING SHADEEEEEEE

 

 **doorMatt:** pidge what

 

 **_Asexlife_ ** _changed their name to_ **_ahyesthefourthwall_ **

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : nothing you need to worry about mathimatics

 

 **Klancestan** : Is Matt’s full name really Mathematics?

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : i think you’ll be better off not knowing

 

 **Klancestan** : Also, can we talk about ⅔ of my favorite ships today being adorable?

 

 **Klancestan** : Hunay somehow told a perfect story over a text thread.

 

 **Klancestan** : And Klance played hide and seek together.

 

 **Klancestan** : Today was a good day.

 

* * *

 

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : GAYS

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : GUYS*

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies** : same fuckin diff in this gc

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies** : sans the beautiful shay of course

 

 **Rockgodz** : ally 4 lyfe

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : anyhoo

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : I WANT TO PLAY A GAME

 

 **doorMatt** : would you tap plz

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : nice use of our telepathic connection mathematics

 

 **ahyesthefourthwall** : whos here and willing to play

 

 **doorMatt** : i love this game

 

 **klancestan** : YESYESYES

 

 **ahyesthefourthwall** : im obviously playing

 

 **tenmillionfireflies** : me too

 

 **rockgodz** : i’ll just witness the hot mess that is about to go down

 

 **koGAYne** : ill play too

 

 **tenmillionfireflies** : heloooo keithyboy ehehe

 

 **ahyesthefourthwall** : lets play a round and most points left wins

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : just so everyone knows the rules and doesnt use ignorance to cheat (lance)

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies** : HEY

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : 5 points, when it’s your turn you say the name of someone and if you’d tap you loose a point

 

 **doorMatt** : ill go first

 

 **doorMatt** : Cate Blanchett

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies** : YOU LITTLE SHIT

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies** : 4

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : 4

 

 **Klancestan** : 4

 

 **koGAYne** : 4 even id tap that and im gay

 

 **Klancestan** : My turn!

 

 **Klancestan** : Ryan Bergara.

 

 **doorMatt** : 5 hes too much of a bro to me

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : 4 other than cate blanchett and beyonce i am a powerhouse in this game

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies** : this is the worst game for me to play 3

 

 **koGAYne** : he has the cutest smile 3

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : my turn ehehe

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : Eugene from the try guys

 

 **koGAYne** : FUCK 2

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies** : THIS ISNT FAIR 2

 

 **doorMatt** : this really isnt 4

 

 **Klancestan** : He’s pretty but I’m still a lesbian. 4.

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies** : MY TURN AND IM NOT GONNA LOSE

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies** : Hayley Kiyoko

 

 **Klancestan** : Oh really, the last one wasn’t fair. 3.

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : TARGETING 3

 

 **doorMatt** : it got more than one person so technically no 4

 

 **koGAYne** : 2

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : FUCK MATT IS WINNING

 

 **koGAYne** : not for long

 

 **koGAYne** : shiro

 

 **doorMatt** : TARGETING

 

 **koGAYne** : pidge specifically stated the rules so no one could feign innocence

 

 **koGAYne** : targeting wasnt in the rules

 

 **doorMatt** : FUCK 3

 

 **Klancestan** : 3

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : 3

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies** : 2 YAS KEITH

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : ok so keith and lance lost

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : tiebreaker

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies** : ME AND KEITH GET TO PICK THE PEOPLE

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : fine

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies** : karen gillan

 

 **Klancestan** : 2

 

 **doorMatt** : 3

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : 3

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies** : keith if you would do the honors

 

 **koGAYne** : bex taylor klause

 

 **Klancestan** : Oh shit. 1.

 

 **doorMatt** : SCREW YOU 2

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : 3. Shes too much like me

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : she really sounds like me too

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : itd be weird

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[I'm so sorry](https://youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Please leave a comment or kudos if you liked it!  
> (especially since this chapter is a patch thats covering my screw up 8))


	7. Keithy-Boy Is A Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith breaks something useful and everyone loves Hunk and the cooking club  
> (cause who doesn't love them amirite)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiro: deaddaddy  
> Matt: doorMatt  
> Allura: klancestan  
> Hunk: tiredmom/kingofcooking.jpeg  
> Shay: rockgodz  
> Keith: koGAYne  
> 

_**hi guys** _

 

 **Tiredmom:** i have food

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall:** I LOVE THE COOKING CLUB

 

 **Tiredmom:** we'll be in the cafeteria at lunch

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** hunk you are the light of my life

 

 **Klancestan:** I was just thinking I wasn't in the mood to eat fake food.

 

 **KoGAYne:** wait what did you make

 

 **Tiredmom:** garlic bacon brussel sprouts

 

 **Rockgodz:** hunk

 

 **Rockgodz:** why

 

 **DoorMatt:** i just read the chat and i have never been more excited then disapponted in my life

 

 **Tiredmom:** they taste better then they look

 

 **Tiredmom:** or sound

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall:** fine then

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall:** lets place bets

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall:** whos in

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** 10 for hunk

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** i trust the cooking club

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** remember the cilantro parm broccoli

 

 **Klancestan:** It sounded completely unorthodox, and yet it worked so well 

 

 **Klancestan:** Lance has a point

 

 **Klancestan:** I put 20 on Hunk

 

 **DoorMatt:** they'r brussel spouts allura

 

 **DoorMatt:**  20 on cafeteria food

 

 **KoGAYne:** 10 on cafeteria food

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** KEITH

 

 **KoGAYne:** hunk doesn't have that much magic

 

 **Rockgodz:** I trust hunk

 

 **Rockgodz:** 10 on hunk

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall:** i love you hunk but

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall:** 10 on cafeteria food

 

 **Tiredmom:** GSAP

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** just you wait

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** you all will see that youre wrong

 

 **ahyesthefourthwall** : wait hunk you have to bring some to me

 

 **ahyesthefourthwall** : stupid 8th grade

* * *

 

_**Tenmillionfireflies**  renamed the group **HA BITCHES**_

 

 **DoorMatt:** hunk im so sorry i ever doubted you

 

 **Rockgodz:** see, team hunk wins

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** HUNK YOU ARE THE KING OF COOKING

 

_**KoGAYne** changed **tiredmom** 's name to **kingofcooking.jpeg**_

 

 **KoGAYne:** im offended that vegetables could taste so good

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall:** PAY UP HOES

 

 **Klancestan:** Pidge, didn't you bet against Hunk?

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall:** ~~FUCK~~

* * *

 

 **deaddaddy:** Lance what did you do

 

 **tenmillionfireflies:** shiro wtf

 

 **tenmillionfireflies:** well, since you asked so politely, i woke up, ate breakfast, forced my little sister to eat her breakfast rather than use it as shampoo, bathed said little sister, and was working on keeping up on my blogs on tumblr til i got this text

 

 **deaddaddy:** wait so this isn't your fault

 

 **rockgodz:** Shiro being vague will help no one

 

 **deaddaddy** : alright

 

 **deaddaddy:** Keith just dropped his phone off the balcony in our apartment

 

 **kingofcooking.jpeg:** Keith, buddy, what the fuck

 

 **doorMatt:** im over at their house 

 

 **doorMatt:** can confirm

 

 **doorMatt:** wait hes saying something about wanting to take a photo of the sunrise

 

 **rockgodz:** but the sun rose hours ago

 

 **deaddaddy:** yep

 

 **deaddaddy:** he's been staring at his dropped phone for that long

 

 **tenmillionfireflies:** hunk come pick me up

 

 **kingofcooking.jpeg:** why

 

 **tenmillionfireflies** : we're picking up keith a popsocket for when he gets a new phone

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Leave comments or kudos if you liked it!


	8. Is Matt's Full Name Mathimatics? I Haven't Decided Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance misses Keith since his phone broke, and I'm gonna pretty much rewrite this from this chapter forward. Sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooooo I don't really have any excuses for not keeping up with this lately, I'm just a lazy piece of ass. Y'all have my friend Ashley to blame cause she told me a dumbass joke I knew this group would love  
> Shiro: deaddaddy  
> Matt: doorMatt/mynameisnotmathimatics  
> Allura: klancestan  
> Hunk: kingofcooking.jpeg  
> Shay: rockgodz  
> Keith: broken phone  
> Lance: tenmillionfireflies  
> Pidge: AhYesTheFourthWall

_**doorMatt** changed the group's name to **goddamnit pidge you can't keep locking the fridge**_

 

 **ahyesthefourthwall** : hush now mathimatics

 

_**doorMatt** changed their name to **mynameisnotmathimatics**_

 

 **ahyesthefourthwall:** jeez matt the long username is gonna give the writer of this fic hand cramps

 

 **mynameisnotmathimatics:** what

**ahyesthefourthwall:** nothing you should worry about mathematics

 

 **klancestan:** What in tinsel's name are you all doing up at 3am? Don't we all still have school tomorrow?

**ahyesthefourthwall: "** what in tinsel's name"

 

 **ahyesthefourthwall** : allura are you ok

 

 **ahyesthefourthwall** : but for your information 

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : matt wants to drink all the sunny d in the fridge

 

 **Ahyesthefourthwall** : and that Shall Not Happen

 

 **keith:** wait is matt's full name mathematics

 

* * *

 

 ** _Mynameisnotmathimatics_  ** _added_ **_AhYesTheFourthWall, tenmillionfireflies_  ** _to a group_

 

 **_mynameisnotmathimatics_  ** _named the group_ **_awkwardmemesTM_ **

****

**mynameisnotmathimatics:** so being a cashier is awkward

__

**AhYesTheFourthWall:** you brought this upon yourself when you said you wanted a car

__

**mynameisnotmathimatics:** that was last week

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** this is this week

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics** : idc that its summer i can walk everywhere

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** what happened

 

 **mynameisnotmathimatics:** so this guy came in

 

 **mynameisnotmathimatics:** gives me all his stuff to scan yada yada

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** as you do

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** hush

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** so anyway

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** he comments on the christmas music in the the store

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** i meant to say tis the season

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** and i said tits the season

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies :** YES BOOBS

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** and this guy

 

 **mynameisnotmathimatics:** rather than yelling at me or laughing

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** he says HELLLLLL YEAHHHHHHHH really low and loud

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** im disowning you

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** lance be my new sibling

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** IM DYING OF LAUGHTER AND I STILL WONT ADOPT YOU HAHAHA

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** TITS THE SEASON

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** MY NEW MOTTO

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** lance n o

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** LANCE Y E S

__

* * *

 

 _ **Tenmillionfireflies** named the group _ **_TITS THE SEASON_ **

__

**AhYesTheFourthWall:** LANCE

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** HHAHAHAA YOU TOLD THE LANCE SIDE OF ME NO BUT THE MEME SIDE OF ME HAS FREE REIGN

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** StOp

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** tOo McFuCkIn LaTe

 

 **Deaddaddy:** pidge what did you do

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** OH NO I’M NOT TAKING THE BLAME

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** IT’S MATHEMATICS FAULT

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** i was just talking about my day

 

 **Deaddaddy:** keith said ffs matt

 

 **Rockgodz:** this is why we can’t have nice things

 

 **Deaddaddy:** keith said someone finally understands

 

 **Klancestan:** At least he understands something.

 

 **Klancestan:** UNLIKE ME IN MR. SENDAK’S CLASS

 

 **Klancestan:** WHAT DOES HE MEAN SIMPLE ESSAY ON AN OBSCURE WAR

 

 **Klancestan:** WHAT TEACHER ASSIGNS AN ASSIGNMENT ON A FUCKING OBSCURE WAR

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** anyway

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** when is keith getting his phone fixed or a new one

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** hunk wants to know

 

 **kingofcooking.jpeg:** i would like to emerge from lurking to clarify

 

 **kingofcooking.jpeg:** i am not wondering

 

 **kingofcooking.jpeg:** no offence keith

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** shhhhhh hunk go back to baking those cookies

 

 **Deaddaddy:** keith says none taken

 

 **Deaddaddy:** lance he is getting a new one when he can pay for it

 

 **Tenmillionfireflies:** BUT HE DOESNT HAVE A JOB

 

 **Klancestan:** mY OTP

 

 **  
******Mynameisnotmathimatics:** ** choose an otp thanks

 

* * *

 

**TITS THE SEASON**

 

 **klancestan:** FUCKING SENDAK

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** my suffering is just because of calculus 

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** at this point that class gives me depressive episodes

 

 **tenmillionfireflies:** y'all are lucky 

 

 **tenmillionfireflies** : yall are almost done with school

 

 **deaddaddy:** y'all

 

 **klancestan:** y'all

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall** : Y'all

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** yall

 

 **rockgodz:** yall

 

 **kingofcooking.jpeg:** yall

 

 **klancestan:** WAIT

 

 **klancestan:** LANCE AND KEITH ARE COWBOY BOYFRIENDS 

 

 **rockgodz:** cowboyfriends

 

 **klancestan:** JDSKJDKFJKDJFK

 

 

 **tenmillionfireflies** **:** SHAY

 

 **tenmillionfireflies:** WHAT BETRAYAL

 

 **deaddaddy:** keith says he doesn't know allura or shay anymore

 

 **deaddaddy:** he disowned them with a flip of his mullet

 

 **deaddaddy:** I DIDNOTHTJHAJHDJFHJD

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** hello keith

 

 **deaddaddy:** so anyway

 

 **deaddaddy:** it's keith

 

 **deaddaddy:** i'm currently trapped in the bathroom 

 

 **deaddaddy** : shiro would like to know what happened to the bathroom keys

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics** : we never use them so they ended up in the middle drawer of the cabinet thing in the bathroom

 

 **tenmillionfireflies:** shiro you can't kill him

 

 **tenmillionfireflies** : we're gonna watch a movie next week

 

 **deaddaddy** : shiro says i can watch a movie without hands

 

 **tenmillionfireflies:** what about popcorn

 

 **deaddaddy:** he said screw the popcorn

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** that sounds painful

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** i just got to the brogane house and heard keith scream

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** what

 

 **rockgodz:** i think shiro found keith's lock pick

 

 **kingofcooking.jpeg** : rip keith i'll make chocolate cake for your funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That cashier joke was based off a post by hinaofficial on tumblr but I can't find the actual post just screenshots so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> Thanks for reading!  
> Give me a kudos if you liked it  
> Leave a comment, I love the stuff you guys say!


	9. i want klance to be a thing so bad in my own goddamn fic and it hasn't happened yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith is back in the chat, he got Shiro's old phone so I can _try and stop getting characters temporarily removed from the chat._  
>  Will Keith and Lance finally go on the movie date that they don't know is a date????? (Hint: Not in this chapter HAHAHAHA)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOOGLE DOCS CAN EITHER STOP CAPITALIZING EVERYTHING OR SUCK MY ASS  
> (i'm mildly annoyed)  
> Shiro: deaddaddy  
> matt: mynameisnotmathimatics  
> allura: klancestan/gayandconfused  
> hunk: kingofcooking.jpeg  
> shay: rockgodz  
> keith: toogaytofunction  
> lance: loverboy  
> pidge: AhYesTheForthWall

**_844-334-5367 >>>loverboy_ **

 

 **844-334-5367:** hey lance

 

 **844-334-5367:** it’s keith

 

 **844-334-5367:** i got a hold of shiro’s old phone, but it unfortunately has his old number

 

 **Loverboy:** KIEHT

 

 **Loverboy:** YOURE BACK

 

 **Loverboy:** the gc has been miserable without you

 

 **_844-334-5367_ ** _changed their name to_ **_keith_ **

 

 **Loverboy:** pshhhh no you just came back you need a better name than just yours

 

 **_Loverboy_ ** _changed_ **_keith_ ** _’s name to_ **_toogaytofunction_ **

 

 **Loverboy:** perfect

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** thanks?

 

 **Loverboy:** (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

 

* * *

 

 **_Mynameisnotmathimatics_  ** _named the chat_ **_KATIE HOLT TAKE THE PADLOCK OFF THE FRIDGE_ **

 

 **AhYesTheForthwall:** YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME MATHEMATICS

 

 **Klancestan:** will someone tell me if matt’s real name is mathematics

 

 **Rockgodz:** tbh I don’t think anyone knows or wants to know

 

 **Rockgodz:** true true

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** I HUNGER FOR LEFTOVER RAVIOLI

 

 **AhYesTheForthWall:** FUCK YOU BITCH I ATE THEM ALL

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** THE ULTIMATE BETRAYAL

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** MY OWN SISTER

 

 **Deaddaddy:** pidge why did you put a padlock on the fridge

 

 **AhYesTheForthWall:** i just bought a shitload of those bottled starbucks frappichinos and matt will steal them all if i don’t do something about it

 

 **Deaddaddy:** fair enough. Procede.

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** i leave this gc for a day and this is what happens

 

 **Kingofcooking.jpeg:** you and i are in the same boat my friend

 

 **Kingofcooking.jpeg:** wait

 

 **Kingofcooking.jpeg:** keith?

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** guess who’s back

 

 **Loverboy:** BACK AGAIN

 

 **AhYesTheForthWall:** GUESS WHO’S BACK

 

 **Mynameismathimatics:** tell a friend

 

 **Deaddaddy:** sweet jesus

 

 **AhYesTheForthWall:** HEY

 

 **Loverboy:** I HAVE NOT BEEN SHY I AM JUST A GUY IN THE PUBLIC EYE TRYING TO DO THE BEST FOR OUR REPUBLIC I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT BUT I WON’T APOLOGIZE FOR DOING WHAT’S RIGHT

 

 **Rockgodz:** (0) days since last hamilaria breakdown

 

 **Klancestan:** hamilaria?

 

 **Loverboy:** ALLURA YOU HAVENT SEEN THE VIDEO OHMYBURR

 

 ** _Klancestan_  ** _changed their name to_ **_gayandconfused_ **

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** i was about to say i agree with lance til he said oh my burr

 

 **AhYesTheForthWall:** KEITH SAID HE AGREES WITH LANCE

 

 **AhYesTheForthWall:** ew get a room

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** stfu you say oh my chuck

 

 **AhYesTheForthWall:** YOU LEAVE SUPERNATURAL OUT OF THIS

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** WE CAN ALWAYS BRING THE REFRIGERATOR INTO THIS

 

 **AhYesTheForthWall:** Proceed.

 

 **Loverboy:** <https://youtube.com/watch?v=4mrN_Bx9H2Q>

 

 **gayandconfused:** this explains so much

 

 **gayandconfused:** like why the asl club always gives our group dirty looks

 

* * *

 

**_Toogaytofunction >>>loverboy_ **

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** are we still going to ragnarok tonight?

 

 **Loverboy:** uh DUH

 

 **Loverboy:** i’ll pay for tickets

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** fine then i get to pay for popcorn

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** do you want me to come pick you up in twenty minutes

 

 **Loverboy:** um keith bud the movie doesn’t start for an hour and a half

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** yeah but i thought we could hang out before the movie and just have fun

 

 **Loverboy:** ok cool

 

 **Loverboy:** see you in twenty minutes

 

* * *

 

**_toogaytofunction >>>AhYesTheForthWall_ **

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** i feel like my username is an accurate representation of me when i talk to lance

 

* * *

 

**_loverboy >>>kingofcooking.jpeg_ **

 

 **Loverboy:** i feel like keith’s username is an accurate representation of me when i talk to keith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (PLZ DON'T CALL THE PHONE NUMBER I JUST PUNCHED IN RANDOM NUMBERS)  
> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment or kudos if you liked it!  
> Let's hope I update soon, for everyone's sakes, especially mine, since I WANT THAT KLANCE CHAPTER


	10. i'm a self indulgent sleep deprived whore weeeeee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> KLANCE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this is a diet chapter and no ones names have changed, I'm not gonna type em. Sorry.  
> Update: @ ^^this bitch, WRITE THE NAMES YOU ASS IT WOULDVE HELPED YOU IN THE FUTURE  
> Shiro: deaddaddy  
> Matt: mynameisnotmathimatics  
> Allura: gayandconfused  
> Hunk: kingofcooking.jpeg  
> Shay: rockgodz  
> Keith: toogaytofunction  
> Lance: loverboy  
> Pidge: ahyesthefourthwall

_**loverboy >>>toogaytofunction** _

 

 **Loverboy:** THAT WAS AWESOME

 

 **Toogaytofuntion:** HELL YEAH IT WAS

 

 **Loverboy:** we should go see movies more often

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** yeah that sounds like a lot of fun

 

 **Loverboy:** ive always thought of movies as great dates

 

 **Loverboy:** especially if you already know the person really well

 

 **Loverboy:** like you and me

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** heh yeah it’s probably why the gc teases us

 

 **Loverboy** : and there’s this great movie called love simon about this adorable gay couple

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** sounds cool

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** you’re totally right, we should see it, maybe take pidge along

 

 **Loverboy:** no i was thinking more just the two of us

 

 **Loverboy:** like a date?

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** lance are you asking me out

 

 **Loverboy:** fuck it

 

 **Loverboy:** yes

 

* * *

 

_**toogaytofunction >>>ahyestheforthwall** _

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** LANCE IS FLIRTING WITH ME AHHHHH 

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** WHAT DO I DO

 

 **Ahyestheforthwall:** sounds like you’re

 

 **Ahyestheforthwall:** TOO GAY TO FUNCTION

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** FCUK ILL GO ASK SHRIO

 

 **ahyestheforthwall:** the author of this is probably having a field day

 

* * *

 

_**toogaytofunction >>>deaddaddy**_

 

 **Toogaytofunction** : LANCE IS FLIRTING WITH ME 

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** WHAT DO I DO SHIRO HELP

 

 **Deaddaddy:** you like him right

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** yes

 

 **Deaddaddy:**  ask him out or something

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** ahhhhhhhhhhh

 

* * *

 

_**toogaytofunction >>>loverboy** _

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** yes

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** ill go on a date with you

 

 **Loverboy:** wait REALLY

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** yes you dolt

 

 **Loverboy:** YESSSS

 

* * *

 

_**Klance needs to fuck** _

 

 **Gayandconfused:** i just got

 

 **Gayandconfused:** the BEST SCREENSHOTS THANKS TO SHIRO

 

_**Gayandconfused** sent **AHHHHHH.jpg** _

 

 **Kingofcooking.jpeg:** is that what i think it is

 

 **Ahyestheforthwall:**  lance and keith are supposedly flirting so yes this is a dream come true

 

 **ahyesthefourthwall:** one step closer

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** YES FINALLY

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for death. It's 11:30 and I have to get up at 7:00 and not for school, so I have to be conscious. Damn.  
> Thanks for reading my itty bitty diet fic! Leave a comment or kudos if klance is your otp


	11. KLANCE IS A THING WHOOOOOOOOOO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance starts watching Yuuri On Ice and seriously enjoys it, and Keith and Lance start off their relationship as Pidge suffers watching the morons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so, sorry I kinda left you guys on a cliff hanger, my laptop fUcKinG BrOKe so that was awesome, and I'm sure as hell not going to try and post on the mobile browser version. But I'm here, I'm queer, and I promise to try and update more often (but not during finals obvi) and I want to write more fics (I might make a musical theater fic (klance obvi))  
> Shiro: deaddaddy  
> Matt: mynameismathimatics  
> Allura: gayandconfused  
> Hunk: kingofcooking.jpeg  
> Shay: rockgodz/evilsunshine  
> Keith: toogaytofunction  
> Lance: loverboy  
> Pidge: AhYesTheFourthWall

**_Loverboy_ ** _named the chat_ **_VICTUURI_ **

 

 **Loverboy** : Im five minutes into the second episode and What The Fuck

 

 **Loverboy:** i started this episode and Victor was butt fucking naked

 

 **Loverboy** : Yuuri is so flustered

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** this sounds so wrong

 

 **Loverboy:** “Yuuri, can we sleep together?”

 

 **Loverboy:** this is a ice skating drug and i love it

 

 **Gayandconfused:** WAIT DID YOU JUST START WATCHING YUURI ON ICE

 

 **Loverboy:** um yeah i procrastinate like the queen bitch i am

 

 **Gayandconfused:** Touche.

 

 **Gayandconfused:** Continue.

 

 **Loverboy:** Victor’s eyes are SO BLUE WTF

 

 **Loverboy** : HOW

 

 **Kingofcooking.jpeg:** they take the color of the sky and mix it with the color of the bluest water

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** obviously lance

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** your commentary is A++

 

 **Loverboy:** “You need to take advantage of Victor!”

 

 **Loverboy:** can i marry the writers

 

 **kingofcooking.jpeg:** no you have me

 

 **Loverboy:** ugh fine hunkers

 

 **Loverboy:** i love how when victor suggests yuuri is heterosexual he freaks

 

 **Loverboy:** same

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** wait is anyone in this chat actually straight

 

 **Rockgodz** : I am

 

 **Deaddaddy** : the ultimate ally

 

 **Loverboy:** yuuri is ready to sweetly and gently fuck victor

 

 **Deaddaddy:** yuuri on ice?

 

 **Gayandconfused:** Yuuri On Ice.

 

 **Loverboy:** victor talking about his first girlfriend and yuuri freaking is a mood

 

 **Kingofcooking.jpeg:** yuuri is just a mood in general

 

 **Kingofcooking.jpeg:** anxious, gay, overeats, need i go on?

 

 **Loverboy:** wait

 

 **Loverboy:** why the fuck is the russian yuuri guy here

 

 **Gayandconfused:** Yuurio.

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** my angsty son

 

 **Loverboy:** wtf im watching a romance i stg

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** i mean

 

 **Loverboy** : “I want to eat pork cutlet bowl with you Victor”

 

 **Deaddaddy:** there was a reason the manga was dubbed yaoi

 

 **Loverboy:** YUURIO’S INSTAGRAM IS JUST HIM AND VICTOR’S IS ALL HIM AND YUURI

 

 **Loverboy:** IM SO HERE FOR THIS

 

 **Loverboy:** “I wonder which one of you will be able to satisfy me?”

 

 **Loverboy:** VICTOR WTFFFFFFFFFF

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** oh just you wait

 

 **Loverboy:** THIS IS WHY YUURI IS ALWAYS FLUSTERED

 

 **Loverboy:** i want to make it clear i am currently loving this show

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** i am over at his house

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** i can confirm

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** he cant stop blushing whenever victor does something embarrassing

 

 **Gayandconfused:** Aww, did you two decide to watch Yuuri On Ice for a date?

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** yeah

 

 **Gayandconfused:** Sorry, that went a bit too far.

 

 **Gayandconfused** : WAIT WHAT

 

 **Loverboy:** youre shitting me.

 

 **Loverboy:** that’s what helps him perform eros

 

 **Loverboy:** A PORK CUTLET BOWL

 

 **Loverboy** : COME ON

 

 **Gayandconfused** : SORRY ARE WE GONNA IGNORE WHAT KEITH JUST SAID

 

 **Kingofcooking.jpeg:** IM WITH ALLURA ON THIS ONE WTF GuYS

 

 **Rockgodz:** I know what’s going on :))))))

 

 **_Kingofcooking_ ** _changed_ **_shay_ ** _’s name to_ **_evilsunshine_ **

 

 **Loverboy** : i dont know how you know but ok

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** WHY’D YOU EVEN SAY ANTHING NOW THEYLL PESTER YOU UNTIL YOU TELL THEM

 

 **Evilsunshine** : ;)

 

* * *

 

 

**_loverboy >>>toogaytofunction_ **

 

 **Loverboy:** so

 

 **Toogaytofunction:** so

 

 **Loverboy:** want to tease them with whether we’re dating or not

 

 **Loverboy** : i mean we are but they dont know that yet

  
**Toogaytofunction:** obviously

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for today's fic, thanks for reading! Leave kudos and subscribe, tweet me @listen-i-swear-im-nice (get it I sound like david dobrik but don't tweet me that's my tumblr)
> 
> (Irrelevant update because I'm petty: ASH I WILL ADD AS MUCH PIDGE AS I MCFUCKING WANT FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW (but dont))


	12. OBEY MOTHER RUSSIA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I swear I'm worse than Voltron. I add HIGHKEY angst and then completely ditches it. I stg, you'd never know how angsty some of these chapters were if you just read this one.  
> feat. Mother Russia, binders, moths (maybe mothman i havent finished writing yet), college applications (*shivers*), and Call Me By Your Name
> 
> (I would like to clarify, I'm not in any way shape or form stanning CMBYN, if anything I'm making fun of it/shaming it cause it's kind of pedophilic and altogether a terrible movie.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to update, I really did. But after school and procrastination, there's no time. Legit, Google Docs says the last time I updated the document that held chapter twelve was MARCH. So yeah, I'm really really really sorry, cut me a bit of slack. Also at this point, you guys have grown up enough to know who's who, so I'm gonna be a lazy piece of shit and not put chat names cause I screw it up enough. Also I want to clarify, the rest of the team knows Lance asked Keith out, they don't know much else, especially that they're confirmed dating, because that's a plot device I want.
> 
> also @ash WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THE MOTHER RUSSIA COMMENTS I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER AND I WANT JUSTICE  
> Shiro:deaddaddy  
> Matt: mynameisnotmathimatics/motherrussiasBEARS  
> Allura: gayandconfused  
> Hunk: kingofcooking.jpeg/HOLYCANNOLI  
> Shay:evilsunshine  
> Keith: toogaytofunction  
> Lance: loverboy  
> Pidge: ahyesthefourthwall/motherrussia/notmotherrussia

_**Victuuri** _

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** guys i just submitted applications to colleges even though i was procrastinating

 

 **Kingofcooking.jpeg:** i’m pretty sure no one else is awake, since the only time they sleep is after school before dinner

 

 **Kingofcooking.jpeg:** but that’s great

 

 **Kingofcooking.jpeg:** that sounds sarcastic but it’s not i swear

 

 **Evilsunshine:** just say bro after

 

 **Evilsunshine:** it makes everything sound better

 

 **Kingofcooking.jpeg:** that’s great bro

 

 **Kingofcooking.jpeg:** HOLY CANNOLI

 

_**Kingofcooking.jpeg** changed the group’s name to **bro** _

 

 **Gayandconfused:** Can we all just appreciate the fact that Hunk just said holy cannoli?

_**Gayandconfused** changed **kingofcooking.jpeg’s** name to **holycannoli**_

 

* * *

 

_**Mynameisnotmathimatics**  created **DREAM MEME TEAM CHAT** _

 

_**Mynameisnotmathimatics**  added **loverboy, AhYesTheFourthWall** _

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** I’m UPSETTI SPAGHETTI

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** mother russia shall bless you tonight with soup for your soul

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** unlike lance

 

 **Loverboy:** WhaT

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** the bears of mother russia shall be eating at her feet tonight

 

 **Loverboy:** WhY

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** pidge youre high on cold medicine

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** communist is a no no

 

 **Loverboy:** WHY DID SENDIK HAVE TO MAKE ME A COMMUNISTTTTT

 

 **AhYesTheFourthWall:** it is SENDAK you IDIOT

 

_**Mynameisnotmathimatics** changed **AhYesTheFourthWall’s** name to motherrussia _

 

 **Mynameisnotmathimatics:** ehehehehehe

 

_**Motherrussia** changed **mynameisnotmathimatic’s** name to **motherrussiasBEARS** _

 

 **Loverboy:** I DONT GIVE A

 

 **Motherrussia:** the squirrels of mother russia shall poke at your eyes

 

 **Loverboy:** child abuse

 

 **Loverboy** : so are we gonna start a video call or what

 

 **Motherrussia:** you shall use plastic spoon to uncover bed that has been covered in snow of mother russia tonight

 

 **motherrussiasBEARS:** no i cant

 

 **motherrussiasBEARS:** i have homework

 

 **motherrussiasBEARS:** i hate having to homework

 

 **motherrussiasBEARS:** its evil

 

 **Motherrussia:** good brother. More soup for soul. From mother russia.

 

 **motherrussiasBEARS:** what the fork

 

 **Motherrussia** :soup for soul is like goat foot for brain

 **Motherrussia:** vkusniv!

 

 **loverboy** : pidge stay away from viktor

 

 **Motherrussia:** viktor is my baby boy

 

 **motherrussiasBEARS:** viktor krum????

 

 **Loverboy:** HAHAHAHHAHAHHAH

 

 **Motherrussia:** he is the best boi

 

 **Loverboy:** nO

 

 **Motherrussia:** no no sweet brother

 

 **Motherrussia** : different viktor

 

 **Loverboy:** i want a shot of this cough medicine cause oh boy is it strong

 

 **Loverboy:** BUT NO VIKTOR FROM YUURI ON ICE

 

 **motherrussiasBEARS:** oh

 

 **Loverboy:** BWHWHAHAHHHAH

 

 **motherrussiasBEARS:** sad

 

 **Loverboy:** GSAP

 

 **Loverboy:** SHAME

 

 **Motherrussia:** best boy

 

 **Motherrussia:** he gets pork cutlet bowl for soul

 

 **Loverboy:** with THE BLUEST EYES

 

 **Loverboy** : THEYRE SO BLUE

 

 **Motherrussia:** they truely are

 

 **Loverboy:** im listening to frozen

 

 **Loverboy:** the sequel to yuuri on ice

 

 **Motherrussia:** no

 

 **Motherrussia:** the rats of mother russia shall gnaw on your intestines tonight

 

 **Loverboy:** kinky

 

 **Motherrussia:** my child

 

 **Motherrussia:** I cannot believe you are into such odd behavior

 

 **Motherrussia:** mother russia is very disappointed

 

 **Loverboy:** ew no i was calling you out

 

 **Loverboy:** you have no right to be disappointed in this situation

 

 **Motherrussia** : i’m flattered that young child believes that i am mother russia

 

 **Motherrussia:** mother russia laughs with enjoyment

 

_**motherrussiasBEARS** changed **motherrussia’s** name to **notmotherrussia** _

 

 **loverboy:** whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 

 **Notmotherrussia:** you are far too clueless my child

 

 **Notmotherrussia:** mother russia holds many secrets you have yet to understand

 

 **Loverboy:** i hate this family

 

* * *

 

**_HOLYCANNOLI >>>Loverboy _ **

(A/N this is happening at like 11ish at night)

 

 **HOLYCANNOLI:** I MADE TEA

 

 **loverboy** : NOICE

 

 **HOLYCANNOLI:** CHAMOMILE WITH LAVENDER

 

 **HOLYCANNOLI** : i just made some good ass tea

 

 **loverboy:** FUCK

 

 **loverboy:** there's a moth in my room

 

 **loverboy:** i tried to kill it twice and i still dont know if it's dead

 

 **loverboy:** if i find it again i'm just screaming bloody murder and sleeping downstairs for a week

 

 **HOLYCANNOLI:** good job i thought you were shiro saying fuck for a split second and my heart dropped

 

 **loverboy:** haha no it's the swear train

 

 **loverboy:** toot toot motherfucker

 

 **HOLYCANNOLI:** THIS CHAMOMILE TEA WITH LAVENDER is amazing ten out of ten suggest

 

 **HOLYCANNOLI:** however its more of a tea meant for gulping instead of sipping

 

 **loverboy:** i just might even though i have one of my dogs sleeping in my room

 

 **loverboy:** since i'm not gonna sleep for a while

 

 **loverboy:** you know what 

 

 **HOLYCANNOLI:** hm?

 

 **loverboy:** fuck the dog imma go downstairs and make tea

 

 **HOLYCANNOLI:** fuck yeah you go bitch

 

 **HOLYCANNOLI:** i fuckin love you motherfucker

 

 **HOLYCANNOLI:** i'm sorry that was empowering

 

 **HOLYCANNOLI:** we love LGBT who empower other LGBT

 

 **loverboy:** yas queen

 

 **loverboy:** UPDATE ON TEA:i got caught and my mom tried to make me leave my laptop in my room

 

 **loverboy:** like BITCH 

 

 **loverboy:** no

 

 **HOLYCANNOLI:** good job

 

* * *

 

**_Bro_ **

 

 **toogaytofunction:** OH MY GOD

 

 **toogaytofunction:** lance somehow convinced his mom to buy call me by your name and we're gonna watch it tomorrow

 

 **toogaytofunction:** we're both sleeping over at pidge's

 

 **loverboy:** here's how i see it babe

 

 **loverboy:** love simon is a gay movie written for gay people while cmbyn is a gay movie written for straight people

 

 **gayandconfused:** I HEARD KLANCE AND I GOT HERE AS FAST AS I COULD

 

 **Notmotherrussia** : i heard one guy fucks a peach in it

 

 **loverboy:** PIDGE

 

 **Notmotherrussia:** that's what i heard

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it, leave a comment or kudos, they're what remind me to write!  
> Screech at me on tumblr @listen-i-swear-im-nice (my main) or voltron-lions (my voltron sideblog)  
> Or you can see me tweet at celebrities on Twitter at TheUltimateGayG
> 
> oh yeah btw i headcanon hunk as demisexual


	13. I RUIN MY HERO ACADEMIA FOR THE VOLTRON GUYS CAUSE MY FRIEND DID IT TO ME

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt found some...interesting photos of some of the cast of My Hero Academia, Lance and Keith tease the group some more, and Shiro and Matt talk about something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna update SHIT I'M DATING A BRICK after this I swear  
> Also I stole all these conversations from GCs and the last one is word for word from me and my ex  
> Shiro: deaddaddy/imtootired  
> Matt: mynameisnotmathimatics  
> Allura: gayandconfused  
> Hunk: holycannoli  
> Shay: evilsunshine  
> Keith: toogaytofunction  
> Lance: loverboy  
> Pidge: notmotherrussia

**_Loverboy_ ** _ changed the group’s name to  _ **_FUCKING SIBILINGS_ **

 

**Loverboy:** guess what my dumbass sister just did

 

**Holycannoli** : which one

 

**Loverboy** : bailey

 

**Holycannoli** : ew

 

**Holycannoli** : continue

 

**Loverboy** : she broke her car :,)

 

**notmotherrussia** : what a surprise

 

**Loverboy** : cant wait for another round of bailey stole the car again

 

**Loverboy** : lol the engine doesnt work anymore

 

**Mynameisnotmathimatics** : lance your moms car just went whizzing down our street

 

**Loverboy** : ill tell mama

 

* * *

 

**_Mynameisnotmathimatics_ ** _ changed the group’s name to  _ **_sorry guys_ **

 

**Mynameismathimatics** : im sending a cursed image

 

**Mynameismathimatics** : beware

 

**Evilsunshine** : NO

 

**Evilsunshine** : ME AND HUNK ARE OVER AT THE HOLT HOUSE

 

**Evilsunshine** : WE ALL SCREAMED WHEN WE SAW IT

 

**Evilsunshine** : DONT LOOK

 

**Mynameisnotmathimatics** : yea

 

**Mynameisnotmathimatics** : yes

 

**Mynameisnotmathimatics** : i had to see it so you do too

 

**Holycannoli** : COVER YOUR EYES

 

**Holycannoli** : DONT LOOK

 

**Holycannoli** : ITS SO BAD

 

**Deaddaddy** : is it the momo statue

 

**_Mynameismathimatics_ ** _ sent  _ **_mineta_doing_unspeakable_things.jpeg_ **

 

**Loverboy** : MY EYES

 

**Gayandconfused** : OH 

 

**Gayandconfused** : FUCK 

 

**Mynameisnotmathimatics** : yea

 

**Gayandconfused** : BURN IT

 

**Loverboy** : ITS SO BAD

 

**Loverboy** : STOOOOOOP

 

**Mynameisnotmathimatics** : i had to see it and i couldnt be the only one to witness the horribleness

 

**Gayandconfused** : I hate that photo

 

**Mynameisnotmathimatics** : same

 

**Deaddaddy** : i have to burn my eyes now

 

**Evilsunshine** : i can never look at him again

 

**_Notmotherrussia_ ** _ sent  _ **_shigaraki_and_nomu_ew.png_ **

 

**Gayandconfused** : PIDGE

 

**Notmotherrussia** : IT WAS MATT

 

**Mynameisnotmathimatics** : you mustnt have heard me. I had to see it so you have to see it too

 

**Loverboy** : MATT STOP WHY

 

**Mynameismathimatics** : cant you read

 

**Loverboy** : NO CAUSE MY VISION IS PERMANENTLY DAMAGED BY THOSE PICTURES

 

**Loverboy** : tbh the mineta one is worse since its mineta

 

* * *

 

**_Sorry guys_ **

 

**Toogaytofunction** : hey guys why’s the chat named this

 

**Toogaytofunction** : its five in the morning why are you guys up and freaking out

 

**Toogaytofunction** : OH MY MOTHERFUCING GOS

 

**Loverboy** : oh babe

 

**Loverboy** : morning!

 

**Toogaytofunction** : shiro wheres the bleach

 

**Deaddaddy** : keith no

 

**Toogaytofunction** : SHIRO WHE RES T HE BLEA CH

 

**Evilsunshine** : Lance just called Keith babe but i’m assuming We’re Not Gonna Talk About That

 

**Loverboy** : ;)

 

**Toogaytofunction** : ;))

 

_**deaddaddy** changed their name to **imtootired** _

* * *

 

**imtootired >>>mynameisnotmathimatics**

 

**imtootired** : i think

 

**imtootired** : i’m not as into you as i originally thought

 

**imtootired** : i’m just not comfortable i guess 

 

**imtootired** : please don’t take it the wrong way 

 

**imtootired** : but

 

**imtootired** : i like someone else i guess

 

**Mynameisnotmathimatics** : yeah its totally fine

 

**Mynameisnotmathimatics** : i think i feel the same way

  
**Mynameisnotmathimatics** : without the liking someone else part

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment or kudos if you liked this!  
> Guess who Shiro likes guys. I'm so sure you won't know. (sarcastic person is sarcastic)


	14. don't we all want obama as our sugar daddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith can't be left alone, Allura has a wardrobe malfunction, and everyone wants Obama as a sugar daddy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be straight with you guys (lol)  
> This is filler. But it's funny filler. And an update. 
> 
> So suffer, enjoy it, please enjoy it I love all my readers (lol like i have any considering my upload schedule)  
> I probs won't update again until next month since I'm assistant stage manager in my play and I'm currently (albeit temporarily) running sound which is pure hell. Idk.
> 
> Shiro: imtootired  
> Matt: mynameisnotmathimatics  
> Allura: gayandconfused  
> Hunk: holycannoli  
> Shay: evilsunshine  
> Keith: toogaytofunction  
> Lance: loverboy  
> Pidge: notmotherrussia

**_Toogaytofunction_ ** _ changed the group’s name too  _ **_oops :’)_ **

 

**Toogaytofunction** : i think i just almost burned the house down

 

**Imtootired** : KEITH 

 

**Holycannoli** : Keith...why

 

**Toogaytofunction** : i havent actually seen you guys enough this summer 

 

**Toogaytofunction** : so impulse control is in the negatives

 

**Toogaytofunction** : so…..fire

 

**Holycannoli** : jesus christ

 

**Toogaytofunction** : i had a scrap of toilet paper, a lighter, and a candle

 

**Toogaytofunction** : what else was i supposed to do

 

**Imtootired** : literally anything else

 

**Toogaytofunction** : i told you, we havent talked enough this summer

 

**Imtootired** : WE LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE

 

**Toogaytofunction** : your point

 

* * *

  
  
  


**Oops :’)**

 

**Gayandconfused** : This is kind of TMI but my bra just unhooked itself and I almost had a panic attack

 

**Mynameisnotmathimatics** : rood

 

**mynameisnotmathimatics** : scandal

 

**Loverboy** : PARTYBOOB

 

**Toogaytofunction** : LANCE

 

**Loverboy** : WHOOOOOO

 

**Toogaytofunction** : NO

 

**Toogaytofunction** : WHY

 

**Toogaytofunction** : YOU 

 

**Toogaytofunction** : DO 

 

**Toogaytofunction** : THIS

 

**Toogaytofunction** : YOU

 

**Toogaytofunction** : FUCK

 

**Toogaytofunction** : BYTT

 

**Toogaytofunction** : UGH

 

**Toogaytofunction** : I 

 

**Toogaytofunction** : HATE

 

**Toogaytofunction** : THIS

 

**Toogaytofunction** : STUPID

 

**Toogaytofunction** : EVERYTHONG

 

**imtootired** : thong

 

**Notmotherrussia** : ehehehehehehhehehe

 

**Loverboy** : BWHAHAHAHA THONG

 

**Holycannoli** : ;)

 

**Toogaytofunction** : i hate you all

 

**notmotherrussia** : whos scandalous now

 

**Toogaytofunction** : they were flip flops you uncultured swine

 

**loverboy** : THOSE ARE MY CHANCLAS

 

**Notmotherrussia** : they’re called sandals you smushed rasin cookie

 

**Loverboy** : HEY I LIKE RASIN COOKIES

 

**Notmotherrussia** : THEYRE SAD WHEN THEYRE SMUSHED

 

**Loverboy** : THATS TRUE NVM

 

**Toogaytofunction** : YOU ARE A WET PAPER

 

**Notmotherrussia** : cranberry fuck nut

 

**Toogaytofunction** : THAT WOULD BE MINE

 

**Notmotherrussia** : a stolen insult but a good one

 

**Notmotherrussia** : you jake pauler

 

**Loverboy** : OHHHHHHHHHHH

  
  


* * *

 

 

**_Oops :’)_ **

 

**Holycannoli** : science side of the group chat 

 

**Holycannoli** : why do my lungs sound the way they do

 

**Loverboy** : you have shitty ass lungs

 

**Imtootired** : you have mucus in your lungs

 

**Holycannoli** : i love dying :’)

 

**Evilsunshine** : No

 

**Mynameisnotmathimatics** : Unpopular Opinion

**Mynameisnotmathimatics** : Obama Is Attractive

 

**Notmotherrussia:** FULLY POPULAR OBAMA IS BAE

 

**Mynameisnotmathimatics:** yes

 

**Mynameisnotmathimatics:** 0 to 100

 

**Evilsunshine:** he is really attractive

 

**Notmotherrussia:** 500

 

**Evilsunshine:** i’d give him 92/100

 

**Evilsunshine** : -8 just because he’s a lot older than me so it’s hard for me to be completely attracted to him 

 

**Notmotherrussia:** thats valid

 

**Loverboy:** id let him be my sugar daddy 

 

**Notmotherrussia:** I WANT OBAMA AS MY SUGAR DADDY

 

**Mynameisnotmathimatics** : fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With all my joking aside, thank you so much for reading! Leave a comment or kudos if you liked it, I absolutely adore reading comments btw
> 
> I'm salty @voltron but fuck canon, this will be my own thing.


	15. Author's Note (I'm so sorry I know these are the biggest fucking letdown)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My thoughts about this fic i guess

Ok so I know I've been kinda dead, and I'm super sorry about that. I also know I always tend to apologize for being dead _every fucking chapter_ and that's probably annoying. 

 

So I love this fic dearly, but it's kind of hard to just have fun chat stuff and a coherent plot, and anyone returning to this from a long time ago will notice I retconned a lot of stuff. This is because I had some pretty deep shit, and it was way out of place in a group chat fic of all places. It was like highkey trigger warning stuff, and although I made sure not to play it down, both the effects after and the action itself, it felt like I was being disrespectful to victims and the situation as a whole. 

(Suicide mention tw)

This past year has been hard on me. For real. It feels like I haven't touched this fic in more than two months. I'm kind of highkey suicidal but I won't act on it, don't worry. If I can get a hold of my irl responsibilities then this fic or just writing in general is my next step.

 

So I want to leave this last bit up to you guys. I'm terribly indecisive and horrible without direction, so tell me in the comments jf you guys want more plot based, or more of just fun character chats.

 

I love you guys, and reading the comments tonight made me realise how much I loved making others happy with my writing. Y'all are pure.

Rylee

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Let's hope I update at least once a month.  
> If you find any mistakes, please tell me as I'm writing this while doing homework.  
> My Tumblr is listen-i-swear-im-nice if y'all want to see another meme blog  
> Please leave a comment, I adore them  
> 


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